Rant Club #1

I SCHEDULED THIS POST ON THE WRONG WEEK. SORRY ABOUT THAT! 

To continue my rant from Monday, I have decided to read a random book, just to prove my point. I went to the Kindle store and chose between books with 4 starts or up. I went for the shortest one I could find (duh). To up it all up a notch, so you do not say that I chose the worst one, this book was written by a USA today bestselling author. So without further ado – Hush: Part 1 by Amanda Maxlyn.

So let us start from the beginning. We are placed in the middle of our protagonist, Emma, getting fired. Which is the dumbest thing ever, as you would think that she had some glamorous job and can not believe she just got fired. Nope, she worked as a waitress and even sucked at it. So no, nobody will feel compassion for her, even though the author probably wanted us to.

The story goes on, she returns home, where she lives with her sister Brooke and her friend Ali. After the conversation on her getting fired, they manage to convince her to go to a party. Now, we are already at 30% of the book. As you can see, you can easily skip all 30%, because you will not miss a god damn thing.

As you would expect, they go to the party and she meets a guy. Big fucking surprise, huh? Wait, it gets worse. The freaking sexy or whatever talk you want to call it is so cringy, it is indescribable. “His brown hair is windblown, his face freshly shaven, and when he gives me a full-on grin I almost buckle at the knees. Fuck. He has dimples.” Feel like throwing up? I certainly do. Oh my god, look at him, he has dimples! c3e

Now imagine this, he says that he broke up with his girlfriend today. The next minute they are both kissing on the balcony. I mean, this is so unrealistic that it is retarded. Then some more conversation and random events that nobody gives two shits about. And as soon as we hit the 65% of the book, we finally get to read some action! Now, this is written as you would expect it to be. Imagine yourself in a room with someone of opposite sex and there is some kissing and finger action involved. There you go, that is it. That is all that happens. Or does it?

Plot twist! In the middle of, what I would call foreplay, Trey (the guy) decides to book it. He knows why but Emma does not. No, it has nothing to do with hygiene of Emma’s private parts. As you would think, Emma can not believe it, so she just ends up going home. Waking up the next morning, she finds out that her sister broke up with her boyfriend, but he is coming over to visit today anyway. Now you can all probably see where this is going. The bell rings, Emma opens the door and… *drum roll* Tray stands in front of her.

And this is all that happens. In a book written by a bestselling author. If we go to technicalities. The book is poorly written, events that have no connection to the main plot or any kind of sub-plot are there just to stack up the pages. That being said, you can easily throw away half of the book. The other half has a “story” or rather beginning of one. Now I know this is book one, but who in their right mind would even want to read the second part. Word of advice to all you writers out there. This should be like porn. You do not return to watch the second part after you do your thing. So stop writing series of this crap. If we go forward, character development is non-existent. We do not even know any history of the characters. We do not even know why Emma suddenly decides to fuck a guy she met 5 minutes ago (she is not like that, according to her sister and Ali). We do not know anything.

The only thing I do know is that this book sucks. And the erotic part that everyone craves for is what ANYBODY could write by using their dirty mind. So if any of you want to become a bestselling author, you now know what to do.

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