Here is a short list for all those authors out there, who are just about to order the cover for their book and need advice on what not to do. Or for all the readers who want to steer away from spending money on shitty books.
If you are easily offended and cannot take a joke, please leave immediately.
- I agree with others on this one, so I felt urged to include it as number one. Boycott the books with a “motion picture” photo on the cover. It is awful, why would you want to do that to a book? If a movie has been made from the novel, fine. No need to paste the advertisement for it on the book. The book made the movie, not the other way around. Unless it is Twilight, then do whatever you want, preferably burn it.
- If the cover includes a half-naked dude or a girl, or both, on it (or him, whichever you prefer), throw it straight into the trash. Yes, even if you are at the bookstore. You will save others from having a ruined day, plus there will be more space on the shelves for good books.
- Abstract covers. Need I say more? A smudge of blue paint represents the book? What the hell are you smoking? “But Vikring, u no understen ze energies flowing thru…” Kill yourself.
- Author’s name written over half the cover. This usually means either of these two things:
– He or she had one good book and now wants to convince you to buy this shitty one just because he or she wrote it.
– He or she has a huge ego issue.
Either way, I recommend a visit to the doctor’s office. We do not need that type of negativity in our lives.
- Turn the book around and check the back of the cover. Are there any one sentence reviews on it? If there are, check who wrote them. If there is no Viking Reviews mark on there, throw it in the trash.