Gibberish #23

vikinggibberish

Guess who’s back? I know you have missed me. And oh boy, do I have a story to tell.

I could easily say that I turned my tablet into a reading device, post a couple of pictures and be done with it. But why do that, when I can complain about it like a wimp in 700 words? As you know, bad luck seems to follow me no matter how much I try to avoid it, so, as you would expect, this time was no different. Sit down, strap yourself inย and enjoy.

A couple of days ago a thought struck my mind. I went through my closet and pulled out a tablet I bought like at least 5 years ago. So, it is old. It is a no name brand. It is called MPman (too bad it is not called MVP, for fucks sake) and I have struggled with it in the past. It got very slow after a couple of months and the battery drain was immense. So that is the reason why I completely forgot that I still own it.

Since I have had enough of reading off from my phone, I decided to give my tablet another go. Since the warranty was way overdue anyway, I decided to root it. The reason being that although it is running Android 4.0, it did not have Google Play Store on it. It had an app called GetJar, which sucked like all the hookers in Amsterdam. Finding water in the Sahara desert is easier than finding a good app in that store. Carrying on – so I rooted the tablet, and managed to install the Play Store on it. I know it sounds simple, but it was far from that. I probably spent a couple of hours just to root the tablet, because it paused a couple of times, displayed errors and whatnot. It was a real nightmare. But, it did not stop there. Why would it? As mentioned before, the tablet is very slow, so it took me at least another two hours to get everything I want on it. And that “everything” is basically Kindle, Moon+ Reader and Gmail.

Now, I am fine with it being slow, the reason being is the fact that I will use it only for reading, anyway. And when I tested it, the time it takes to turn the page is probably less than a second. Which is okay, I am not going to cut my wrists over that. The battery drain, however, is catastrophic. I switched it on today (Sunday), to test it and it was sitting at 60%. When I put the brightness of the screen to maximum and just let it sit there, it lost 10% in 5 minutes. I shit you not. 10% in 5 minutes. Imagine you are stuck in a life or death situation. You need some light to find your way out of a collapsing building. Well mate, rest in peace. This thing will probably just display a massive middle finger and shut down as soon as you need it.

I tried fixing this, of course, before I even rooted it. I though that maybe there are some apps running in the background, so I just went for the hard reset, so it removes everything. Now, being the massive fucking retard that I am, I managed to stick the paper clip into the wrong fucking hole.

You see how awfully similar these two are?

cof

Let us check what is written above each hole.

cof

Now, take a wild fucking guess in which hole I was sticking it in (pun intended).

It is a good thing I am not using this tablet to answer phone calls from the two and a half friends that I have, because I probably destroyed that microphone like the faculty destroyed my hopes and dreams.

I believe that 4.0 is too much for the tablet to handle. I thought about getting an earlier Android version on it, but guess what, you cannot! Before anyone says it, yes I searched Cyanogenmod, but to no avail. There is no mod available, to turn this piece of junk into gold.

I still have some tricks up my sleeve, so I will be trying those out, and I will keep you updated on the progress.

See you next week, if this thing does not decide to blow up in my face.

– Viking